Tobi Rachel Akingbade has a bone to pick with Black excellence
A new era begins — and for Tobi Rachel Akingbade nothing will be the same. As she takes on her new role at Buzzfeed UK, she talks to Yolanthe Fawehinmi about the perils of journalism
Tobi Rachel Akingbade talking to Yolanthe Fawehinmi at Soif Studios | CREDIT: New Strange/Tony Hulse
That damn Christmas music from the foyer thinly trailed behind Tobi Rachel Akingbade as she arrived. It is just after midday, and we are in the new Soif Studios on the second floor of the Arthaus building, at the heart of Hackney, in east London. She quickly unravels her knitted scarf and gently fluffs the bouncy, yaki-textured ringlets crocheted onto her hair. They are well-defined, creating a beautiful, voluminous, side-part silhouette, which frames her diamond-shaped face, and involuntarily dresses up the smart casual blazer look I think she was going for.
Ever since my 31-year-old mentor and I met nearly eight years ago after I slid into her DM’s to ask about breaking into journalism, I still think about what I did then: she is always her true self. Maybe it’s why Buzzfeed UK’s new head of publishing has always had a love-hate relationship with Black excellence — especially now that the promotion of it is rampant.
A 2015 blog post perfectly articulated how this obsession can be described. “It’s the notion that Black people who are educated, smart, articulate, poised, and basically every other positive adjective you can think of are atypical or rarities among the general Black population.” But what about when Black excellence isn’t enough? Can we be mediocre and celebrated for it like our White counterparts? Well, this is a dream Akingbade has promised to fulfil as she goes higher up in life.
Black excellence probably fueled the Holland-born’s long and extensive career in journalism. She was the co-founder and editor-in-chief of Dream Nation, a social enterprise dedicated to practical dreamers, and has worked at The Guardian, Metro.co.uk, JOE.co.uk and Tyla of LADbible — just to name a few — and has managed to interview a vast number of celebrities on the red (or purple) carpet, including Chadwick Boseman, Adekunle Gold, and Jennifer Hudson — with no voice.
Akingbade — a devoted vegetarian — also has her own podcast called Yellow Cup and knows a lot about going viral on social media.
YOLANTHE FAWEHINMI: So Tobi Rachel Akingbade, when did you first feel like a writer?
TOBI RACHEL AKINGBADE: It might sound cliche, but I would say when I first started learning how to write. It felt completely natural and I felt at home. I specifically remember writing gibberish and not really knowing what the letters do and thinking, I really like doing this. I was so eager to know how to put the words together. And to be honest, I first learnt how to write in Dutch. But at home, my parents spoke English. I was born in Holland and went to school there. I became fascinated by the different languages, even though I didn't really realise at that age what I was doing. So I think that kickstarted my obsession with words and letters.
YF: But was there ever a time when you didn’t feel like a writer?
TRA: When you’re not a world-renowned author it can make you question if you are really a writer. But I always say, there isn't anything as an aspiring writer. If you write, you're a writer. If you're walking around saying I'm aspiring, what you're saying is I'm not doing it yet. Or what I'm doing isn’t good enough yet. But when do you become good enough? When do you become accepted into this club? Honestly, it's not like being a doctor.
To put it plainly, I think it's fair to say that if you've not completed your doctor's training, you're not a doctor. And please don't come near me with the title of doctor. But when it comes to creative jobs and titles, I think dropping the word aspiring is very necessary for yourself. Otherwise, you're just going to be holding back and waiting to be validated by others. You don't need to be validated by others in your gift. You've got it or you don't. And a lot of the time people have it. People follow your lead. So start writing. Even when it comes to writer's block. If you have it, write about it. Just keep going. Don't wait for that moment.
YF: You’ve just mentioned that you either have it or you don’t. Do you think the art of writing can be learnt? Or do you think it’s a natural talent people have?
TRA: I think it'd be arrogant to not try to improve. I 100 per cent believe in improving yourself 1 per cent every day and having confidence. But remember that you don’t know everything. I don't think any writer on earth has reached their peak. As long as you've got the full capacity, physically and mentally, there's always something to learn. One of my favourite authors is Auntie Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. Reading her first book to then reading her latest, there is always an improvement, she gets better and better. Even down to how she constructs her sentences, her stories, and her pacing, it always improves. I'm yet to find an author, a journalist or a scriptwriter, who hasn't improved as time goes on.
Yolanthe Fawehinmi and Tobi Rachel Akingbade at Soif Studios | CREDIT: New Strange/Tony Hulse
YF: Have you ever had imposter syndrome in your career?
TRA: Yeah. I've literally had a boss say to me, 'I don't think this is for you. You should try a completely different career.' I don't know why she said that. It did impact me, for maybe a week. And then I thought, I'm going to smash it in my career. And I did. This was about five years ago. I've done nothing but grow since then. Sometimes it happens when I’m watching what other people are doing too much. A lot of people don’t like to admit that. It’s not really about jealousy though. It’s looking at what they have achieved and wondering if you are doing enough or would ever achieve anything as they have. But for me, those are fleeting thoughts. I never sit with them. When you speak to successful people and know the background of their story, there’s no part of me that would like to replicate their struggle. We shouldn’t wish for what other people have, because we don’t know what they did to get there. So it’s just better to stay and slay in your own lane.
YF: Have you always been this way? Or have you gone through any experiences that have helped you build this level of resilience?
TRA: I just find ways to turn those fleeting thoughts into inspiration. Those people don’t have two heads, which means I can do it too. Sometimes I do ask them and often build friendships over that. It leaves very little room for me to be jealous. I would credit not suffering from jealousy to the incredible people around me, who have helped me move forward.
YF: Have you ever wanted to give up?
TRA: There have been times when I felt like quitting, and I didn't quit. What I needed was a break. Most recently, I felt like quitting. I took a break, and I still felt the same. It made me reassess what the issue was. Did I feel like I needed to go in a different direction? And the answer was yes. And for me, that encouraged me to resign from my job, and at the same time, I managed to get a new job as well. So it was all a bit crazy, and it happened at the same time. It's always okay for your dreams to change. I think it's important. That's something I struggled with maybe a few years ago when my dream had changed. And I felt like I’d failed. Why didn't you want what you wanted before? Now I don't see it as quitting. I see it as growing.
YF: What do you think makes people stick to dreams that they've had for a very long time? Do you think it's fear?
TRA: Yeah. 100 per cent. I think it's fear of the unknown because you've had this image of what your life would be. And I think that's why we get stuck when we plan our life out. We're raised to do that and have these deadlines thanks to the social construct of school. Then after Year 11, you go to college. And that's when people started to struggle because college didn't go the way they wanted it to or they didn't go to university at 18, they went at 19. So then they feel like a failure. But who said you have to do things at these particular times? I struggled with that through my twenties. Am I supposed to be married with kids now? I'm in my thirties now, about to be 31, and I'm more content because I've thrown away those deadlines. Letting go of that fear means that you can actually listen to yourself and do what you want, as opposed to what you've told people you want. I've been scared of that in the past, of what people would think and even the new dream I have, because I haven't planned what it would look like.
YF: You also mentioned as well that you took a break. And that's when he realised that you wanted to move on. What did you learn in your annual leave that made you realise it was the right time to leave?
TRA: So this break was a few years ago, I think in 2019. I went to Bali — it sounds like an expensive break — and while I was there, I realised that I needed to move on. So I wrote my resignation letter on the table in the villa I was staying in. I didn't hand that resignation letter in straight away, I came back, and I carried on with the job because of fear. I basically had no job to go to. Can I do that now? I'm not sure, because I've got a mortgage to pay. But then, I didn't have that level of responsibility of worrying about credit and the bank chasing me or whatever. So I made that decision. That break showed me that I needed to bounce. There were other times when I've taken breaks, and all I needed was a break. Sometimes you need quiet, to know what you really want and what you're really thinking.
YF: Would you say the journalism industry, in general, can be quite demanding on writers, because of how fast the news moves? Does that play a part in burnout? The nature of our industry.
TRA: Yeah. The nature of the industry and how creative you have to be on tap. We all have creative endeavours that we do outside of work, outside of our nine to five, like you're doing this podcast. But there's a different type of creativity that you have to engage in when you're doing it for — I say nine to five as if we're actually working nine to five — a full time job. I think it is demanding on the brain. When I explain it to my friends outside of journalism, they always say it's too much. I guess it is, but you just get used to it, and just get on with it, because it's the nature of the job. When you're out in the evening with your friends, and you get a news alert, it means someone was working. So it is demanding and you have to write or be creative in one way or the other. The news landscape is changing on so many different fronts. You’ve got to be adaptable. But at the end of the day, you have to be creative, whatever it is you're doing, whether you're making videos or graphics. I guess it's tiring. But it's the life we chose.
Yolanthe Fawehinmi and Tobi Rachel Akingbade during the first episode recording of Black Prose | CREDIT: New Strange/Tony Hulse
YF: How different was it being a freelance journalist after being a staff writer?
TRA: As a freelancer, you have more of a say, on the shifts that you pick. You can organise your free time better, but then you still need to get paid. So you have a responsibility to ensure you're working as much as possible. And at one point as a freelancer, I was working too much, because I was like, I don't know when the next opportunity will come. So I wasn't giving myself breaks. So that's the downside. I guess as a full time staff member, you know you belong to this organisation, you understand the brand, and the brand is you. Should it be you? That's another question. And you have more stability, but it's harder to switch off when you're full time, because that's what you're doing all week, and time off really isn't time off.
YF: That's true. And in terms of navigating the workplace, as a Black woman and writer, how have you found that?
TRA: I've had different experiences where I've felt lonely in a workplace. I definitely felt like I was representing the entire Black race. There are other times when I've worked in places where I've been able to have bonds with other Black women as well. You don't have to be friends with other Black women you work with, but it's really nice when you can have that and take a trip to HR together.
But then there's also the internal battle that happens within. I don't know if you were told this growing up, that you have to work twice as hard. I was told that I have to work three times as hard because I’m a woman, just to get half of what other people get. I haven't yet met a Black person that goes to work and is mediocre, because we feel like we can't afford to be mediocre. Meanwhile, your White counterparts are enjoying their best life being mediocre. I've promised myself, as I go higher up in life, I am going to give myself an opportunity to be mediocre and be celebrated for it. I haven't yet done it, because I'm so set on being excellent.
YF: But do you think you can be mediocre? Would you allow yourself to do it?
TRA: I want to. It's a goal. I want to do something so mediocre and be celebrated for it. You have some film directors that make the most mediocre film, and they're winning Oscars for it. And then you have Black directors, who have got to be jumping out from the moon. So a lot of the times yes, in the office, it can feel draining because you can't switch your Blackness off.
YF: Do you code-switch? Or do you bring your full self to work?
TRA: Not anymore. I don't code switch. This is what you get from me.
YF: What made you stop doing that?
TRA: I got exhausted. I got so exhausted. And it's so much easier being yourself. I say this all the time, everywhere I go, do you unapologetically. It's the easiest thing you can do. There's this inner conflict that you get from trying to be someone else. And then your authentic self is trying to fight it. You go home and you're exhausted. Yes, there are certain things I won't do or say at work because I know it probably might be seen as aggressive. But to code switch, like to speak differently, to behave differently, to do my hair differently. I stopped doing that.
YF: You change your hair often. I love it.
TRA: I used to be afraid, but I love changing my hair. If you like, you can stare and wonder. If you like, you can ask questions, but I'm going to do me. I'm going to change my hair often. It's going to be long, it's going to be curly. But when I first started my career, I believed in only having straight hair at work. Now, I do anything. Locs, that's my favourite. I'll go to work with locs, if you like, call me a criminal. If you like, put the stereotypes on me. And it's happened actually, to be fair, where I've gone into the office, and they thought I was a cleaner.
YF: What was being the only Black person in that newsroom like? Why do you think newsrooms need to be more diverse?
TRA: Because you keep making mistakes if you don't diversify the newsroom. You keep messing up. And also you're alienating your audience. And what is the point of giving your audience stories that they're already very much aware of? There's another thing where you end up being hired just to correct people. Like I've worked somewhere before where they just always came to me to check over things. But as you diversify, listen, and learn. There are some expensive mistakes that some publications have made. That could have been prevented if you just had a diverse newsroom and hired more than one Black person. And even when you've hired that Black person, you listen and learn from them as well, so that you too, can know that it’s a footballer and not Stormzy.